Recently, I read some posts online about gay marriage that disheartened me. Everyone seems to miss the point. It's not about parading around for a day, it's not about making a religious statement, it's not about being a diva; it hasn't been a national issue for the pomp and circumstance.
Marriage is about the moment of vowing your life to another. It's about the celebration of love. It's about joining your families and friends around you to oversee the coming of the rest of your lives together. But it comes with its privileges. Whatever the history of marriage, whatever the first marriages were based upon (most likely ownership of a woman in some patrilineal society, as often seen today), marriage has become a social cornerstone for certain rights.
Without being married, two elderly people cannot share the same room in a retirement home, legally.
Without being married, one partner cannot be present in a hospital room overnight, no matter how much they love the person lying in the bed. Beyond that, they are not privy to certain information if their partner is in surgery, the IC Unit, or even dead.
Without being married, a widowed partner cannot collect their love's Social Security, Pensions, or other fundamental source of income, which they may depend upon for housing, prescriptions, et cetera.
Without being married, can you file your taxes as married? That's right, you can't. There's no "But We're in Love" box to check off.
The marriage certificate solidifies a family unit, and offers further rights. These rights are the more pressing issue. These fundamental rights.
Let's not discuss the muckery that heterosexual marriage often becomes. But everyone in the bible belt wants to claim that it's a religious, sacred, right-wing institution into which no homosexuals should be allowed. Yet look at what heterosexual marriages often are in the US. Research the divorce rate. Here's some help:
***What is the divorce rate in Oklahoma? The answer in Oklahoma is complicated. Counties across the state of Oklahoma collect the information, but report it differently (and some don't report at all). It continues to be challenging to access good information. What we DO know about Oklahoma divorce data is that, according to the last published numbers from 1996, divorce in Oklahoma ranked in the top 5 for number of divorces by state of residence. In addition, according to a 2001 statewide survey about marriage and divorce, 39% of Oklahoma adults, who have ever been married, have been divorced.
In fact, Oklahoma's high divorce rate is one of the reasons that led to the creation of the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative. A joint study by the University of Oklahoma and Oklahoma State University found that several social indicators, including divorce, were a large part of the cause of poverty in Oklahoma. Thus, the Oklahoma Marriage Initiative set out to provide access to marriage education services as one aspect of a comprehensive prevention strategy.
(from http://www.okmarriage.org/Services/Oklah
***The divorce rate in America for first marriage, vs second or third marriage
50% percent of first marriages, 67% of second and 74% of third marriages end in divorce, according to Jennifer Baker of the Forest Institute of Professional Psychology in Springfield, Missouri.”
According to enrichment journal on the divorce rate in America:
The divorce rate in America for first marriage is 41%
The divorce rate in America for second marriage is 60%
The divorce rate in America for third marriage is 73%
(from http://www.divorcerate.org/)
So, with these numbers in mind, can we deny a dying person the right to hold the love of their life's hand because they're gay and marriage is a sacred institution? I think hate is more sacrilegious than gay marriage. Sacrilege to the human intellect and the human soul.
